Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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