i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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