oh god the rape fog is back!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
