you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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