YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
