I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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