He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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