so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
