I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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