Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Send help, water and tortillas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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