shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
