Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you traded sex for a burrito?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
