Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
