drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
