I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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