did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
