OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
