Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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