Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
