you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
