We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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