just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Buhtt sex?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
