No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
