Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
