I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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