there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
