Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
