we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
