No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
