I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
