he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
