They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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