I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
