I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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