Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
