so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
