You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
