Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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