if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
