omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
