On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
