I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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