at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
