Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
