Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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