My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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