she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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