Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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