I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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