yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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