Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
