mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
